A Little Light Reading
by coolbyrne
Summary: Jane and Maura kill some time in a doctor's office. A little fluff.


TITLE: A LITTLE LIGHT READING

AUTHOR: coolbyrne

RATING: T (tiny bit of sex talk)

SUMMARY: Jane and Maura kill some time at a doctor's office. (Humour)

A/N: So yeah, still working on the longer fic I alluded to in my last story. Really, I am. This is just a bit of fun in the meantime. And all but one of the article headlines is true. Thank you, Cosmopolitan for the continued ridiculousness of your quizzes. Thank you, Roman_Machine for the continued everything else.

...

"You didn' t have to come with me, you know."

Jane leaned back uncomfortably in the small chair. _They never made seats for tall people_, she silently complained. Out loud, she said, "I know, but you're getting blood work done. It might not be safe for you to drive back to the office."

Maura tilted her head and smiled. "That's very sweet of you, Jane," she replied. The detective shrugged with exaggerated modesty, which triggered a narrowing of the eyes. "Wait," the blonde said. "Are you trying to trick me into letting you drive the Mercedes?"

"Noooo!" she replied, hand over heart. "I'm hurt you would even think that of me."

A few years ago, that might have made Maura re-think her words, but experience had taught her how to recognize the other woman's teasing. "Mm-hmm," was all she said in return.

Jane smiled at the banter. "Besides, I've been dying to know what Brangelina have been up to," she reached over to the nearby table and picked up a magazine, "...uh, 3 years ago. Why do doctor offices always have these outdated magazines?"

Maura shrugged as she gingerly flipped through a magazine of her own. "Why do we have the incessant need to morph names together?"

"Do you know who Brangelina are?"

"Not a clue," she admitted, without shame.

"Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Hence, Brangelina."

Maura frowned. "That's ridiculous. Though..." she closed her magazine and glanced off to the side. "We'd be Jaura. Has a rather fun sound to it, don't you think?"

Jane snorted. "No, I think you were right the first time; it's ridiculous." She shifted again. "Besides, that's for couples. You morph your own name if you're single. Like, I'd be 'J-Rizz'."

"What?" Maura scoffed. "That sounds, well, a synonym for 'ridiculous'."

"'Absurd'?" she offered helpfully.

"Yes. Well done." she patted Jane on the knee.

"Thanks, Mo'Isles."

She frowned again. "Technically, wouldn't I be 'Misles'?"

"Yeah," Jane agreed, "but that sounds... inane." She waited for the nod of approval, then continued, "Besides, Mo'Isles, mo' problems." When her comment was met with nothing but a blank stare, she remarked, "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Remind me later to acquaint you with the genius that was Biggie Smalls." Craning her neck, she looked at the magazine in Maura's hands. "Cosmo? Really?"

The doctor had the decency to look sheepish. "It was the only one I could hope to find interesting. The fashion may be outdated, but I've already read that issue of National Geographic." She gestured to the magazine on top of the stack.

"Yeah, you did- 5 years ago. The doctor's office- where subscriptions go to die." She leaned into Maura's shoulder. "Let's take a look at the advice columns. Those are always good for a laugh."

Maura shook her head. "The pop psychology offends me."

"And that kinda makes me laugh, too. C'mon, entertain meeeee."

With a sigh, Maura knew it would ultimately be in everyone's best interest if she indulged the brunette. "Fine, but I'm doing this under protest, in case anyone comes in and sees me."

"Maura, no one's going to see you reading Cosmo and learning the '78 Ways to Please Your Man!'"

She glanced down and read the headline. "I thought you made that up," she admitted. "Why 78? Why not round it up or down?"

Jane shrugged. "Why that many? Do we really think men need more than a handful of options?"

"No pun intended."

"Oh snap!" she laughed. "Besides, I've never had any complaints."

"You're single."

Dark brown eyes narrowed. "Oh snap again."

Maura laughed. "Anyway, I just feel uncomfortable when numbers aren't rounded to the nearest 5 or 0."

"Well here's one- 'The 10 Best Kinky Sex Moves'.'

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Bobby pins on the nipples? Perhaps Cosmo needs a BDSM manual and a catalogue."

"Hey, not everyone can afford Eros Boutique," Jane teased.

"They have a value section!"

Jane tried not to choke in response. "Okaaay... I won't ask how you know that."

With a sly smile, she replied, "And I won't ask you how you know Eros Boutique is one of the best high-end bondage stores in Boston."

"Hey! I'm a detective; I find out all kinds of things in my job." When she saw Maura pressing her lips to hold back a laugh, she barreled on. "Speaking of low-end items..."

"Is that... a doughnut?"

"Yeah. Glazed."

"I'm not sure I understand the purpose-" she stopped when she saw Jane discreetly mime a sexual act with her fingers. "I still don't understand."

"Uh, well, imagine this is the doughnut," she held up the index finger and thumb of her right hand in the shape of an 'o'. "And this," she held up the index finger of her left hand, "is exactly what you think it is."

"They're suggesting intercourse with a pastry?"

"Well, no," Jane answered. "I think they're suggesting..." she lowered her voice to a husky whisper, "performing oral sex while he's wearing the doughnut."

Maura's head jerked back and she covered her mouth in shock. "That's, that's..."

"Disgusting? Yes."

"Unsanitary! Sugar in the genital area of either sex is a prime breeding ground for a yeast infection."

"As I said, disgusting. Just not the way I was thinking." She reached over and started flipping the pages. "Where are the quizzes? I want to rate my inner party girl or something."

"How about 'What Your Favourite Body Part of Your Man Says About You'?" Maura offered with a sceptical eyebrow. "May I go on record as saying how offensively heteronormative I find these articles and quizzes?"

"You may."

"Thank you!" She turned in her seat to face Jane. "That being said, what is your favourite body part?"

She shifted under the inquisitive curiosity of her friend. It was one thing to joke about the ridiculousness of the advice, but Jane wondered if this was hitting a bit too close to home, considering all her favourite parts were contained in one beautiful package that was now looking at her intently. "Uh, I guess... I don't know, Maura. The ass?"

"Gluteus maximus." Maura gave the response some thought. "Is that really your answer?"

She may not break into hives for telling a lie, but she couldn't look at Maura and not tell the truth. "The eyes. I love beautiful eyes." They held each other's gaze for what seemed like an eternity before Jane coughed and tilted her chin towards the magazine. "So what does it say about me?"

Stuttering slightly, Maura glanced down at the article until she found the answers. "Well, it, it says 'You're a dreamer who loves looking into the windows of her soulmate.' I can't finish this." Closing the magazine, Maura tossed it on top of the National Geographic and returned her attention back to Jane. "I'll tell you what it means. It means through your work, you've seen the worst that humanity can inflict on itself. Cheaters, liars, murderers, thieves, they all strip away the qualities you most cherish in a person- trust and honesty. People will say and do anything, not all of it truthful. But the eyes don't lie, and for you, it's the truest test of character. You spend a lot of time looking at people's eyes, Jane. It doesn't surprise me to find you are drawn to the ones that tell you the truth. That's your definition of beauty."

Jane sat back, dumbstruck. "Wow, Maura, that's... way better than the Cosmo diagnosis." It didn't surprise either of them that she resorted to humour to deflect the seriousness of the topic. "How about you? What is your favourite body part of a man?"

Maura tsk'd at the gender-specific nature of the question, but she answered without hesitation, "My favourite part are the hands."

"Oh really?" Jane referenced the magazine with a look. "I'm sure Cosmo has a very deep reason for that."

"Something submissive, I'm sure," Maura agreed.

"What does it mean to you?"

Maura looked away as she formulated her thoughts. Satisfied they were in order, she began, "It won't surprise you to know physical affection was lacking in my childhood."

"Your parents didn't hug you much?" Jane's face was a mask of mock disbelief. "You don't say."

"I say," Maura smiled. "So for me, hands represent something that was missing for a long time. But my job has also shown me horrors that hands can do. I find the dichotomy fascinating." When the brunette didn't respond, Maura continued. "And beyond the psychological curiosity, I love the tactile nature. There's nothing more pleasurable than strong hands and long, lean fingers."

Jane clasped her scarred hands together and squeezed them between her knees.

"Don't do that," Maura admonished. She reached over and gently extricated Jane's right hand. Palms touching, she traced the back of Jane's hand with soft fingertips. "There's so much strength, but I've also been lucky enough to see them do tasks with the utmost care. You've taken down a 200-pound suspect and held a baby in these hands. I've seen them grip a gun and a cannoli with equal respect."

Jane laughed and bent her head to hide her face with her long dark hair. Maura made no comment on the shyness that had suddenly befallen the detective. Instead, she turned her hand over and uncurled the fingers that were trying to cover the white scar. Uncharacteristically, she brought the hand up and pressed her lips to the thin line.

"I love your hands."

"Maura Isles?" The name wasn't uttered by Jane, but rather by the nurse who called it from the desk.

Maura slowly stood and gently returned Jane's hand to her lap. She waited until the brunette looked up and met her gaze. With a smile, she reached down and handed the Cosmo to Jane. "Tell me all about your inner party girl when I come back."

...


End file.
